When Promises Hurt

Broken Umbrella

I have promised to love you always and to change as to how you wanted me to and to go down the path you have ideally set for me. To you, it was for my own good, for my best interests. I promised you because I had loved you and I felt that your happiness was important to me and if making sacrifices could carry us a long way, I would do all I can for you even if it meant getting out of my comfort zone. That was how much I loved you. But you could not see my love. Have you ever asked if that was what I wanted? If I was truly happy doing that? For every objective you have set for me, I feared I could not achieve it and every time I saw you and your demands, I felt smaller and smaller. I knew I loved you and that was what kept me going,in hope you would appreciate me for who I am one day. Those promises hurt but they never hurt as much as your actions towards me. Your cold treatments for words I innocently said without any ill intention cut right through me every second, robbed me of peace and rest and left me soaking my pillows in tears every night. You never once thought of how I would feel, how to clarify with me and ask if you had hurt me in any way. All you remembered was how you did not like my words and your misunderstanding.

Maybe you took me for granted, maybe you thought I was made of steel but I am human too, and Ioving you has made me vulnerable to you yet you threw knives at me time and again instead of cherishing me. When I asked you what I did wrong, all you did was to brush me off or ask me to ask myself. Would I ask you when I knew the answer? You said you were tired and drained in this relationship and at that very moment I knew deep down inside, it was time for me to leave. I have become a burden to you no matter how I tried to be as accommodating as I could, allowing you to not plan dates, not set timings on what time we would meet, not go out like how all couples do or even have simple dinner dates. All these were of the least concern to me because it was you that was the most important to me. As long as you were happy, that was all that mattered to me. That is who I am but you kept pushing your boundaries.

What have I done to deserve this from you? What have I done to deserve such unappreciative attitude and such hurt? I promised you that I would never leave you behind, that I would love you always and you promised that you would shower love, care and attention on me but you never fulfilled your promises to me. I always thought that love conquers all, but you have proven me wrong. You have shown me that even love, is not enough to make you want  to change and work hard for this relationship. You have shown how offering my whole heart, all scarred and wrapped in stitches, would end up being torn apart and thrown aside. You have also shown me how I would never match up to your ideal version of a girlfriend no matter how hard I tried.

These promises hurt, but I am still holding onto them and one day, I will put them down.

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