The strong fall too. But we forget that.

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I am in my early twenties, at the peak of my youth, at the phase whereby I should go all wanderlust and travel or pig out in cafes or be a social media sensation or a top achiever in college. Let me tell you, in all honesty, I am nothing like that. I am an average college girl, just like any female you walk past without noticing on the street, or that quiet girl in the corner which won’t catch your eye. While I do have some minor achievements, I pride myself for being an independent and strong lady. I am self sufficient, I work to pay for my expenses, with as minimal help from my doting parents, I took up a study loan from the bank because I want my parents to not have to wait for me to repay them; I want them to enjoy life without financial worries. So, here I am, an average girl with average looks and average grades,holding a part time job on weekdays and Sundays while juggling a full time university education. I cannot be travelling around the world, fulfilling my wanderlust dreams without a care or going cafe-hopping everyday or joining pageants to be famous. I have my burdens, fears and many more typical-average-human worries attached to me which, on a normal day, are handled seemingly well enough.

But the strong fall too. I also have days where I succumb under pressure and cry myself to sleep, days where I begin to feel less about myself, days where I feel that everything is going to crumble down on me, days where my pressures eat me up and even silly moments where I just want to give up on everything. People forget the strong fall too. “Get up”, they say. ” Rise to the occasion”, “It’s not that bad”, they claim. No. That isn’t what I want to hear. I have my weak moments too; we all do. All I want is someone or people to listen to my inner fears and worries, to let me rant, cry, whine without feeling irritated at me, to understand that I have fallen temporarily but should not be agitated to get up on my feet on the spot, to shower attention on me and just be there.

Everyone falls but usually, people forget that the strong will fall too and when they fall, they fall as hard too.

I wanna go home

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Home. No, it isn’t the type of home you are thinking about; it’s not my parents’ home that I am talking about. I am talking about my own home, a place where I am the mistress, a place where I rush back to after a busy day at work or mop around on a lazy weekend afternoon. That is the home I am talking about- a place that belongs to me. Since I was a little girl, I had always envied people who bought houses for themselves, I would always wonder, “How would I decorate my own house? Oh! The amount of joy I would have, the thrill of building its interior all by myself, from choosing the colour of the walls to the furniture to the decorations!” Now I am older, I have entered my twenties but while my achievements begin to pile up, while I have someone I can call my own, the void in me gets larger. Deep inside, I know all these will come eventually and there is no need to rush but having stayed out in a hostel for 2 years, the loneliness in me gets worst. It isn’t the loneliness that can be filled in by anyone, but the loneliness where there is no physical place for you to fall on, the place where no one will berate you or judge you for stupid things that you do, quarrel with you because they can’t get your attention but a place where you are sheltered from the world, a place where you and the one you love can cuddle in bed and call it your own haven. Sometimes, I dread going back to the hostel; a place where I have no attachment to. I am merely a tenant who is there because it is convenient. As I age, I begin to crave for the simplest of things; for assurance, comfort, happiness and contentment. Yet, the simplest of things are often the hardest to achieve. So, I have decide to shift out of my hostel to go back to my parents’ home to stay; I do miss them a lot and being home on weekends means a lot to me. One day, I would be returning to a home where my soul rests in a place I can call my own.