I close my eyes and dissolve in the darkness around me. Silence was all that penetrated through the walls of the room. Or was it my heart that has been so silent that I could no longer hear the sounds around me? If i could take a tour in my body, I wouldn’t be surprised to see the chambers of my body heavily pad-locked and guarded by thorny vines, so thick that it is impossible to get through.
When you learn to guard your heart, you erect towering walls around it, for fear that spears would go through and leave scars, you question every sentence of love because you simply cannot understand why and you place fearsome creatures at its entrance so that no one can through to you.
Yet, when you guard your heart, you push others away. You no longer feel any sincerity in any words of love, yet you wished you could believe them. You wished to be loved and cared for but you are afraid that by opening these doors, you become vulnerable to hurt and you may never ever be able to have the strength to build a whole new fort. You worry if you have actually forgotten how love felt like, was it sweet or sour, bitter or spicy? I have no idea. What do you do when you felt exhilarated for a moment because of love? I don’t know, I just keep a straight face.
When you learn to guard your heart, you become the loneliest and most fragile person you can ever be.