“It’s a hangout…

“It’s a hangout, not a date.”

There was once i felt i could finally learn to love someone, to put my emotional baggage down and move out from my past. People always say that those men you meet online are only interested in one night stands, fuck buddies and no strings attached kind of relationships. I had hoped for the best, that someone i meet out there, online, would be different. So we started chatting and you started flirting over texts. I was confused yet those texts always never fail to send me to the highest heavens. Sometimes, I would wonder if you treated other girls the same and if you were like the other ‘wolves’, out looking for a prey. I know for a fact that I was no easy prey; I would not give in to demands easily and I relied on my brain more than my heart. You asked if I could be cold-hearted. Deep inside, I know I could not be cold-hearted in front of you. We talked, paused, laughed and held hands. Yet, my mind was in a whirl, spinning crazily, intoxicated with worries and lost. I did not know what we were. You said it was not a date but a hangout. But your actions seemed different. Somehow I felt that we were dating yet it was not that way. We spent hours walking around Marina and you told me that you wanna stay with me. Suddenly, you asked if there was a hotel nearby where we could get a quick rest. I was shocked. Stunned. As a frequent clubber, I knew what hotel meant. I panicked inside, Millions of thoughts rushed through my mind. Were you like those men that people warned me about? I started becoming unsure and defensive. That was when I wanted to go back. You still wanted to stay but I was worried. I told you that it was weird telling a friend that on a first meet-up but you insisted that was how you felt. And that was how things between us changed. Honestly, I had a good feeling for you and I did contemplate if we could become something more. So now, we talk but you have become so distant and cold. I guess, we ended even before it started. Maybe I should not be too uptight about it. We were just hanging out anyway.


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